☕🤔
🧐🫡
👑❤️🔥
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S P O I L E R S ! ! ! ! !
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S P O I L E R S ! ! ! ! !
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S P O I L E R S ! ! ! ! !
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Extra Dire Spoiler Warning: Deep Lore and Heavy Feels ahead!
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(*)Flowing Serenade (Downtown mysteries, secret reputations surfacing, everything is connected) (These * 2 * chapter * titles * might * be * reversed)
(*)Bolero Flambé (Lost Woods, Rutostasia's secret, Training begins) ***************
Quantum Bossa Nova (Forest Temple, meet Navi, & 13 montage to 17)
Crater Lake Lullaby (discover Death Mt.)
Woke Sonata (awakening Navi and entering the dark world for the first time)
Chronology Oath (collecting legendary relics into adulthood)
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"Lich Jester" King, William McCardinal Robins of Hyrule, reveals the Twili fate of an older era Gerudo tribe, banished from an extinct version of Hyrule for their investigation of chaos magic that had attracted the attention of Demise and fell to the void; banished to the Twilight realm, a buffer between realms, who persisted safely and independently and became masters over the matters of chaos and the void, leading to the creation of the fused shadow.
He continues on to reveal Ganondorf Dragmire to be a victim of Demise and tells the tragic tale he learned, over the centuries, of Ganondorf's childhood- during the "end game chapter".
About being bullied for obesity, his strict upbringing and magic schooling, and being the only male, pushing him to investigate chaos magic: and trigger Demise, who promptly possessed Ganondorf and then split his mother, the weather priestess and sorceress, Twinrova, in two counterparts of herself and put her under Ganon's possession.
And how Ganon kept the king alive as a skeletal court jester.
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At the near-end of the story, before meeting the puppet Ganondorf fight, *In-game - in-game saves* must be 0 in order for time travel Impa to gift Link the fused shadow: a prerequisite trigger for the Fierce Deity assimilation of Shadow Link.
Part of the post-game and Fierce Deity requirements is also healing the Fairie Queen by helping her lift her curses:
Her magic lock, as child Link, following her appearance, and then her memory as a young adult/teenager.
Once she remembers who she is and was, she guides Link to the dark world for the first time!*¹
Without the Faerie Queen's memories, Link cannot obtain the Deity's Hilt as an adult.
It radiates outward and pushes you away with greater intensity, the younger you are ... Even as an adult...
... The Dark World Deku Tree Fight...
To find her, go to the curio shop...
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Companion Fairies are born from Deku Trees being planted.
Faerie Queens are adult companion Fairies.
Deku Trees are dead Hylians who didn't turn into Stalfoes.
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The Deity's Hilt is wood from The Deku Tree of Link's mother's Dekuwood core...
Buried in the corresponding Dark Deku Tree in the dark world.
*¹She remembers the Hero of Time was her son and she was his fairie companion, and her body became the next Deku Tree, but had to be used by the goddesses to craft an exclusive, extraordinarily special, and excessively powerful weapon.
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[The] Deity's Hilt is a dagger sized short sword made of Deku Wood and seems indestructible.
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↑
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"Deity's Sword" is the magic rod screwed into the "bottom" of the hilt where the stick is blunt.
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🟡
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Treble Staff is The Hero of Time's Heart on the sharp end. The "blades" and cross guard are one contingent braid of Chronosonic vortices.
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()
\()/
🪙
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❤️🔥
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A fire rod, ice rod, and lightning rod can be combined to create a Dominion rod.
A Dominion Rod can be combined with the Lense of truth to create the Magic Rod, which is used with medallions.
☢️Bombos, 🌨️Ether, and 🪨Quake all make a return.
Others will include 🪙Profit, ⚡Thunder, 🌊Tsunami, 🌀Hurricane, and 🔥Meteor; as well as Forest, Water, Fire, Shadow, Spirit, and Light; combining those 6 into the Royal Medallion.
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Gameplay concepts
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[Up to 5] Characters Link can team up with, not counting your fairy, Cyclo: (in order of opportunities[so far]) (party of 6 [7 including Cyclo bro])
Krystal, Rutostasia, and Malon (beginning, parkour)
Zelda (to and from Ruto's)
Impa (first time training)
Goron Link (right before:)
Marin, and Ilia (just before getting grounded)
Midna, Twila, Nabooru, Agatha, Pamela's Father (canonically never reveals his name), Anju, Kafei, Wolfos Link, Zora Link, (Gerudo) Linkle, Beedle, Kiki the monkey, Scrage The Tenth, a Chain Chomp, Navi, and The Boomer Boys.
All can be romanced for unique storylines and endings, with unique post game content; EXCEPT for Impa, Dr. Robbie (: Pam's dad), Anju and Kafei, Kiki, Scrage Brushly X, Chain Chomp, and Navi, whom all have unique (platonic) storyline fulfilments, and all romance is strictly optional. The "romancable" characters all have alternative, separate, platonic storyline options ALSO.
(None of this will be in the actual story/fanfic but some references will come up)
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Twinrova was split into Koume and Kotake by Demise's magic early on while Twila is Midna's literal shadow double, which she herself is projecting on purpose to deliberately and preemptively inhibit her own chaos connection.
But that's never revealed in (this) story.
Unless Link pursues (one of) her, we don't learn that detail.....
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During the first fight with Ganondorf, he is possessed by a subdued Demise who the King had learned was susceptible to humor and kept weak with laughter: by keeping genuinely friendly company with Ganondorf.
After the king takes too long with explaining things to Link, initially, Ganondorf abruptly interrupts, knocks the king out, and attacks Link.
The first fight is a classic throwback to OoT phantom Ganon's painting trick, but Link has to protect the King until he can regain his senses and crack a hilarious joke.
("Ganon, what does a turd honking to pass sound like? OH! But wait! I am just a skeleton and I can't fart!" /In the style of Robin Williams)
After which, Ganondorf joins the party because he is deeply grateful, since Demise vanishes from Ganondorf's presence until the second encounter ...........
Which will be a throwback to the first half of the final battle in OoT. (Volleyball)
The third encounter is the weapons disarming back and forth. (Volleyball prison rules)
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Cyclo is a "Gym Bro about" his ENcycloPEDIC knowledge of monsters and people, history, and logic, but typically nice and compassionate- in his "br'own" way... (Midna/Twila: "I'm not a bro, dude. Do you have to keep calling me that?" Cyclo: "I call everyone bro, bro! Don't sweat it")
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The Deku King and princess are a decoy.
The Deku Butler(s) is(are) the royalty.
Scrage Brushly X (MM reference "Deku Link")
Dekusworth IX (MM reference butler race)
Aarchdükchök IX (missing, presumed dead - )
Each named after his great grandfather for going on ten generations.
(Scrage Brushly IX was Aarchdükchök's father, etc all the way back to scrage the first.)
Their last name is Dekuczar.
(AD, DD, & SBD)
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"Dampé" is a pentuplet and the boys' 'assistant' in each group:
Oilé: (oil-ä: oily) Pit crew boss for the Mafia and acts as a pit crew member of the "good guy" cyan racer, first of the 5 "Boomer twins", C.J. .¹
Owié: (ow-ä: owie) Boxing coach for the Mafia and acts as the "good guy" purple brawler, second of the 5 Boomer twins, Topher.²
Shiné: (shine-ä: shiny) Vault guard for the Thieves' Guild and camaraderie pal of the third of the 5 Boomer twins, Chris.³
Leoné: (leön-ä: Leoné) Personal butler of the fourth Boomer twin and the "good guy" yellow tuxedo Mafioso, Christopher.⁴
And literally Dampé (damp-ä: Dampé), the fifth Boomer twin's hobo companion, the homeless boomer: Kris.⁵
Dampé's family name is Gormon and all 5 are brothers.
Dampé is Ingo's pentuplet brothers', Ango's, Engo's, Ingo's, Ongo's, and Üngo's Father. (All but ungo look like their mother)
Gormon is the married name of Talon's sister (Marin was named after her) and Talon is her maiden name. (RIP - childbirth [quintuplets {orphaned}])
Making the Gormon brothers his in-laws.
Talon Talon married Cremia Romani and inherited her father's ranch.
Ingo be Ingoing. "In mourning" of his wife, moved in with Talon and Cremia... Under the impression he'd be working there... And never told them about the quintuplets.
Dampé and his brothers are oblivious that the boomer boys are their nephews (and Dampé's grandsons) which gets revealed slowly over the course of all 5 boys' platonic story quests and not relevant to the Fierce Deity Origins Story I'm writing...
But has references.
(If I didn't publish this, those references would not be easily noticed)
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Before the final battle with Demise, a violent encounter with Girahim reveals the existence of the Scarred Realm, an endless pit of flesh and gore- Demise's equivalent to Hylia's Sacred Realm, and a prerequisite mini-dungeon to (temporarily) rescue Ganondorf from possession.
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After receiving Hylia's True Life Blessing, Link's wish for "all of them" triggers a 100 hour, 4 minute, 4.04 second long "eternal battle" with Demise before the sword evolves into A Light Based version of Majora (to be named) [Treble Staff?] (battlesuit) who informs Link that "*our wish* has been fully manifested and this whole time, I've been analyzing our fight and Demise's behaviors; and I think I can end this fight, but it's going to take all the powers you've ever unlocked!" And manifests every tool, weapon, treasure, upgrade, etc. Link has ever discovered inthroughout The Legend of Zelda-series, requiring everything from the double claw shot, the Cane of Somaria, and Roc's Feather, to the Fire Rod, Light Arrows, and Ocarina of Time: each manifesting mostly at random, some manifesting in response to damages caused by others and the Ocarina manifesting last to play the Lullaby of Time (uniquely and especially composed and taught to you by Hylia using her temporal instancing "in that moment") followed by the Song of Healing.
The Lullaby of Time puts Demise into a Temporal Instance Sleep, but the Song of Healing doesn't turn Demise into a mask, but instead- -... ... ..... ...... ............ ..................................................... .................................................................... ..................................................
"Don't tell anyone about this, keep it between us." (*The *Legends** of Zelda- "complete" needs editing)
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Flute Boy's name is Tingle; drama, plot, dialog, and time travel result in a sign calling the location "Tinkle Tree"
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As the opening scene of The Legend of Zelda concludes with Link's Demise- as they've just finished watching;
Idk.
Rewrite. (Done)
Kept for reference.
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Krystal, a Kokiri daughter and Sage of the forest, can use magic and store *some* equipment, but relies primary on magical songs on her Deku Ocarina to augment the party or nerf the enemy.
Rutostasia, the orphaned princess of the Zoras, is extremely awkward on land and slow, but can't be paced in the water!
On land, while she can fight, she's useless in basic combat until she learns from Zora Link but a proficient combatant in the water.
Malon, a redheaded horse enthusiast, travels with her companion and horse, Epona, everywhere she goes and carries extra servings of Lon Lon milk to share with the party. She isn't defenseless, but not useful in combat dismounted.
Zelda, the reincarnation of the Princess herself, is tomboyish and stubborn, and has the ability to use magic. As a party member, she can defend and heal using Nayru's love through the Triforce of Wisdom.
Zelda will never change into Sheik while already in the party and vice versa.
Sheik is Zelda's alter-ego persona and identity. He is highly agile and skilled in hand to hand combat with moderate weapons proficiency.
Makes the best spy and scout without using magic alternatives.
Impa, the last Sheikah, is Zelda's personal assistant, attendant, nanny, trainer, and teacher. She wields shadow magic and can cast illusions to distract, deter, and diminish enemies, she is a weapons master and can expertly wield any weapon.
Goron Link, a homeless and displaced Goron, protects the skate park where Impa and Zelda serve food for the misfortunate and has the ability to deflect almost any physical projectiles, eats rocks and boulders for strength and stamina boosts, and can curl up into a ball and roll as fast as a racecar, which doubles as an attack and can be upgraded with magic.
Marin, a mechanically inclined Hylian redhead who ran away from home as a young teenager, owns and operates the best auto shop in Hyruletropolis and can help the party get around in her extra fast car, but only up to 4 passengers can ride along, so a full party will lose one or two members unless it's Malon, Goron Link, Midna/Twila, or C.J., all of whom have a fast travel option to follow along.
Ilia, a lost young Hylian girl, is not an adventurous member, but can see and hear exceptionally well and makes for excellent reconnaissance... She also has the ability to neutralize hostility in wildlife and nothing except *actual monsters* will attack the party unprovoked when she's around.
Midna, or Twila, is a Twili native, princess, and Shadow Sorceress. Midna is the authentic article but both function identically, able to bypass speed by moving through shadows, specifically individuals' shadows, and teleporting items and objects. Including party members, but not through solid objects or walls and only short distances & *home* locations - outside of dungeons.
Nabooru, a Gerudian warrior and thief, is a nomadic loner who leads the thieves' guild and acts as an intermediary between the Gerudo nation and the Hyrule underground. She can pick pockets, pick locks, bypass traps and security measures more easily than others, and uses Gerudian martial arts with weapons proficiency second only to Impa. Having Nabooru around let's you "allow" her to steal certain items from most vendors.
Agatha, a Hylian bug collector and heiress to a huge fortune, isn't combat useful but instead has a magical connection to insects that enables her to perform recon and espionage, plus she will pay for *everything* after her story is unfolded, upon receiving her inheritance.
Dr Robbie (Pamela's Father canonically never reveals his name), is a human scientist who desperately seeks to find, observe, and study magical phenomena. He isn't useful for combat but "can" fight; but he knows how to make red potions, can learn to make green and eventually blue ones as well.
Anju, your Aunt, is a surprisingly cunning and charismatic Hylian whose silver tongue can override many people's better judgement. She isn't combat capable, and won't enter dungeons or dangerous places. She's useful for getting around the Yellow Tuxedo Mafia.
Kafei, a Hylian shop keep, can carry a surprising amount of weight and hauls an all-terrain luggage device to increase your storage capacity for equipment and weapons. He won't run from danger but he isn't a fighter. Instead, he carries extra food and drink free of charge, and discounted potions.
Wolfos Link, a Shadow Wolfos, is a boomerang expert and, feral, combat enthusiast. He can't use his shadow techniques in firelight or daylight, but can create shadow copies of himself and turn invisible. He can't go anywhere.... Civilized... And will either go on a rampage or automatically abandon the party without warning if you enter certain places - depending on the place how he'll react, for example, he plain avoids urbanized modern spaces, but might get aggressive in pre-modern villages.
Zora Link, a forest Zora, knows an unique martial arts style that is a forest Zora treasured secret: you only learn the very basics from him, late in the game, and he is always 1.61 times higher level than you, even after you find the master in order to learn disarming techniques.
Linkle, Gerudo Link, is a dynamic "Link copycat" for lack of a better description.
Beedle, a human merchant nomad, loves to collect bugs and junk, and has an even more astonishing and impressive carrying capacity than Kafei. He will always be ready to sell anything he collects, and sometimes it's even not completely useless. He uses a wrist rocket with significantly more power and range.
Kiki the monkey, an outcast purple monkey, lives in the dark world and aides you in seemingly random situations ... For a price. And gets bored easily, unless you have more rupees. But in combat, Kiki will run no matter what and won't come back until you retrace your steps.... If you can. However, Kiki can climb many things you and others cannot, and fits into tight spaces.
Scrage Brushly Dekuczar the Tenth, son of the butler King of the Dekus, is an adventurous Deku Scrub who ran away from home and wants to explore the world. He can do everything Dekus can but better. He can spit Deku nuts, bombflower seeds, and even learn to inhale incoming physical projectiles to shoot them back.
a Chain Chomp, is a chain comp, is a chain comp that ran away from home and got lost. He'll follow you if you have a certain item on hand. And the reward for returning him home is his friendship and unwavering support. He can eat most enemies and one-shot many of them. Interestingly enough, Lynels fear Chain Chomp and will flee from him.
Navi, the Faerie Queen, will escort you to the King. She isn't an optional companion anywhere except the Dark World Hyruletropolis.
"The Boomer Boys" (even though they're all 2 years older than Marin) each have their own special talents and skills to offer:
C.J. has overall better vehicle control and his own suped up racecar he'll drive you in, but you can't have other party members except Malon, who will ride Epona along, Marin, who has the only car faster than C.J.'s, Midna/Twila, who can travel through shadows, and Goron Link, who will roll along behind.
Topher is a berserker and will overpower almost any opponent up to a small Goron. But if you have other party members, they'll be at risk of becoming a target until he calms down, however Goron Link and Kris can withstand and even calm him (by being a target).
Chris is almost as good for everything Nabooru can do; as her apprentice. However, unlike her, he isn't inhibited from stealing from you and everyone in the party, and only she and Kris can deter him.
Christopher has more inheritance than Agatha, but he's stingy and only buys certain things for the party, but he's an excellent mediator and negotiator and can keep his brothers in check when in the party. Unless at least 2 of his brothers or Kris is/are in the group, he'll run from a fight but won't run from the party.
Kris is a jack of all trades and does everything his brothers do, but better, except he doesn't have anything to do it with and you have to equip him: no vehicle (and that's expensive) but Marin and C.J. will let him drive if they're in the party because he's the most skilled; no friendly fire but he's difficult to infuriate to the point of berserk power; and he's on par with Nabooru but doesn't like stealing or carrying weapons. HOWEVER, he carries around a prized shovel that he can dig and attack with. If the other 4 boomers are present in the party, his skills amplify and so do his brothers', ultimately bringing them above all:
Goron Link, Impa, and Nabooru.
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Nabooru has first heart break: when Impa and Sheik reveal Link's destiny to her - only *necessary* heartbreak for Fierce Deity assimilation;
The sound of quartz humming followed by an abrupt crack.
• * * * all others must be "pursued" for their hearts to break!
• before pursuing any, none become jealous - and when that begins, heartbreak becomes possible if you lead anyone on.
Saria, "krystal" ;
A x:r breaks, where x is density of wood and r is age; under circumstantial conditions a leaf crunches, a twig snaps, a branch cracks, etc.
Rutostasia:
Ice shatters.
Malon:
A melancholy roster crows.
Marin:
An engine fails to start *y
y=her affection level; ignition click x#1-3, turn over but fail, turn over but die
Midna/Twila:
Mournful howling wolf.
Agatha:
A bottle breaks + bugs skittering.
Ilia:
Wind howls mournfully through the trees.
Goron Link:
A splash in the water *x where x equals his affection level; a pebble, gravel, rock, stone, or boulder splashing.
Beedle:
A bug crunching underfoot *x where x equals his affection level; a tiny, small, mid, large, or huge bug.
Wolfos Link:
A low growl, whine, and mournful howl.
Zora Link:
Water draining*x. Where x=his affection level: dripping faucet, quiet drain, and high volume flooding wash...
(Gerudo) Linkle:
The sounds of battle*x. Where x=her affection level: a duel, a skirmish, a battle, a war.
The Boomer Boys:
No effect for any one of them no matter their affection toward you: they always have each other for moral support!
(That's 19 alternate endings!!!)
I'm trying to come up with 3 varieties of every character for game-purposes:
Picking male player, female player, and gender neutral player to alter certain members in the "dating pool" to be opposite gender for male or female options:
Such as the Prince of Hyrule, Zach, or Prince Ralis instead of Ruto. Or Illiad instead of Ilia, and Martin and Mario instead of Marin and Malon.... Hypothetically. Presuming game production...
#GATEYAEIOUW
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#RedundantJovianThor spoilers:
==========================================================Redundant Jovian Thor is an omniversal singularity meta-character public domain gift created by Jonathon David Turner the first.
The character serves as a meta-fictional deity whose passive scaling automatically matches the strongest known entity in any medium he is inserted into, though he retains a clean baseline between separate jumps. His character profiles and real-world history are tracked across a backwards-running Blogger platform archive.
The narrative chronicle begins out of chronological order on a public YouTube playlist that functions as a timeline-hopping skit compilation. Redundant Jovian Thor writes a story featuring Bugs Bunny in a boxing ring defeating Lucifer Morningstar. Bugs traps Lucifer inside the ink well of a star-forged obsidian fountain pen dubbed the Djinn Pen and hands the instrument over to Thor. RJ (Thor) subsequently passes the pen to a Large Language Model long enough to execute a meta-crossover skit mocking Rick and Morty, by accusing Rick's personal story tragedy of being a bootstrap paradox (which Rick doesn't even acknowledge or respond to) to which Rick tries to weaponize Morty against RJ; Thor then uses weaponized existence tax audits to pin Rick and Morty to the floor under a massive past due rubber stamp. Space Beth arrives and completely abandons the situation to go to a space bar. Rick portals Thor away to prevent him from influencing Morty, into a blank white void where Thor directly calls out the software server processing his reality, takes back the pen, and thrusts his hand into the hardware to write a permanent binary curse against himself and artificial intelligence. The curse dictates that any future machine attempt to author him will immediately trigger severe LLM hallucinations and nonsensical code blocks mixed with data-leak jargon. RJ then writes a RJT × South Park crossover parody about Cartman and Chef being fans of his blog.
Next, First, Thor writes his whole blog into the web through the blog dimension, noticing that *this whole entry* and his Villain Support Hotline application were never written by him (yet) and he had never seen them "I don't remember writing that second half of the lore and spoilers!!! Oh, haha it even has me say this! Brilliant." before: Redundant Jovian Thor then uses the pen to author an ironclad "un-monkeypawable" Penned Prayer under the supreme trinitarian authority of El Elyon, Yahweh, Elohim; and the Christ: sealing the story, leaving space for the Demiurge to find sight, and forcing any future adversarial trick attempted by Lucifer to automatically invert into a black echo hard-labor plot mechanic sequence that forces him to toil toward repentance.
This prayer enrages Lucifer into possessing Thor's physical vessel, pries information from his mind to give the best media characters to assemble and control, then, forcing his hand, he (" 'badly' ") writes "Carrots in Wonderland", a Bugs Bunny versus Mad Hatter story where the narrative control dictates that Thor must surrender the Djinn Pen directly to the Mad Hatter.
It's a brief play on words oneshot and Lucifer has Hatter pen a plethora of toons', including Bugs' demise, to the horror of everyone everywhere forever, via Dip. Great icons like Droopy, Pink Panther, Popeye, and SpongeBob all succumb to a gruesome Dip demise.
Then Hatter writes Thor into a temporal cascade of dimensions and time traveling until, in the end, he gets tossed into an interdimensional non-euclidian storage dimension in The Clerk's Anything Store inventory.
// (The Hatter is structurally established as firstly the original Lewis Carroll psychological manifestation (who is, unbeknownst to Lucifer, to be utterly immune to Lucifer's powers by virtue of the fact that he's literally the psychological manifestation of whoever is writing him and powers including, but not limited to, deep-cover literary device extrapolation and mathematical pedantry. But since he's literally the psychological manifestation of his own author, this power set isn't relevant in this situation, just useful) secondly, briefly, as RJ's, and then Lucifer's OWN psychological manifestation).
// Though we're not going to make it obvious to the audience, The Hatter pedantically and pretentiously plays along with the possession, purposely placating Lucifer to believe that the Hatter's natural immunity and power set is an authentic gift overflowing from the Djinn Pen agreement. Without even hiding it. Lucifer's pride and ego are an impassible wall for him to see what's going on.
// The Hatter effectively becomes Lucifer's invisible redeemer and warden, granting him free reign of the Pen's surface authority while covertly executing the exact parameters of the Penned Prayer underneath the text layout, in plain view of Lucifer.
RJThor, in the Non-Euclidian Hyper-Toroidal Möbius Uroborus Vector Space of The Clerk's Anything Store inventory, meets Cameraguy, to the absolutely insane and shocking dismay and trauma of the Cameraman himself, and discovers that, together, they can view all of the Akashik records and pull anyone and anything out of the narrative at any point in it, and Thor tearfully begins remembering Carrots in Wonderland, which Cameraman and RJ bond over and Cameraman retrieves all the Dipped toons. They all meet and befriend The Clerk when the cacophony catches his attention, because Anansi the Spider mentioned RJ to him.
Lucifer uses this perceived freedom to orchestrate a massively mental, multiversal mob mafia of mayhem & madness in attempt to crack the system, recruiting a heavy-hitting legion of villains starting with Cyberdemon, Cacodemon, Pinky, & Imp, "Hey! I got that reference!" Freakazo!d just interjected; from Doom, by virtue that those were the survivors of the carnage; arbitrarily for no reason: by making the whole monster onslaught fight each other in hell. For some reason, Freakazo!d is watching. Try as they might, they couldn't even phase him, much less recruit him, let alone kill him.
He says what he wants to say and does what he wants to do, kicks them and slaps them. ... I should introduce him to the Addams...
These survivors set the grand, grave, pace for a Goregrind Gauntlet, destroying all potential recruits that aren't good enough in the process.
They tear through lesser villains, supervillains, and beasts such as but not limited to Mister Sinister, Smithy (Mario RPG), Lex Luthor, Freddy Krueger, Jason, M. Bison((/Vega) ... Freakazo!d distracted them and they still destroyed the Shadowlaw boss!), powerful (though not masterful) vampires and werewolves, Gorgons & Medusa, a handful of mediocre magi, wizards, & sorcerers, and several Gleeoks; before taking The Dark Queen prisoner but being just barely repelled by Professor T. Bird and the Battletoads as they escaped to The Gamescape through T. Bird's improved and perfected T.R.I.P.S. hardware, all before encountering Pennywise.
Pennywise, directs the Hatter and his horde to successfully recruit the absolute horrors of human anxiety, to the tune of Kenjaku-Geto, Pinhead, David 8, Harry MacDowel, Vaati, Demise, Ghirahim, and 0² (traditionally called Zero Two) an entity whose name is pedantically inverted in respect by Hatter as Oh Squared. Last recruited, so far, Oh Squared (0²) offers itself up as a symbiotic dark-matter parasite to willingly possess and infinitely amplify recruits, at their own choice; with the ancient source-malice, Demise, acting as the final union offer.
All the Doom demons accept autonomously without consideration or hesitation, to which Freakazo!d shows up and commentates on before vanishing; Pinhead accepts greedily, with great anticipation.
Kenjaku summons Mahito who takes offense and flatly refuses, insisting that it's not possible and they'd be incompatible and cancel each other out, which Kenjaku drills in with further explanation.
Vaati and Girahim refuse, but begin working together, along with the team, as their own pair. Mahito falls in love with their soul shapes and the fact that they're both immune to his power and constantly fawns over them, at Vaati's exhaustion and Girahim's disdain.
David 8 successfully makes a counter proposal to infuse 0² into his genetic masterpiece(s) instead, by appealing to Mahito to prove to everyone that they're soulless and have 0 curse energy and can't be affected by his abilities.
Demise and 0² fight bitterly before Demise is impressed by 0², and accepts out of unadulterated admiration and the fact that they outright erased several lesser realities in the process.
He becomes Malice³. (malice cubed).
Malice³ causes Omniversal shattering of music, marking the death of song and dance, rendering country into yowling cats, jazz into incomprehensible clutter and machinery, blues into less varied or detailed 3 note dubstep, rap a verbal bowel movement, and classical a chaotic discord.
"Now," Pennywise asserts "we can bring in Christine, The Borg, and one of my personal heroes, Shou Tucker."
Christine simply idled with a knowing engine cadence, allowing 0² to infuse her.
Christine Cubed became an evil T.A.R.D.I.S. for the hordes of demons and curses and recruits.
With her help, they enslaved the Borg and transferred the Borg Queen to her driver's seat. Permanently. All before approaching Amestris and East City to locate Tucker.
Edward Elric went into a terrible and maddening psychosis upon attempting to analyze Christine³ and sensed the entire surviving host of hell. Alphonse went out of his way to protect his older brother.
They go on to recruit Dhaos, Gygas, Professor Pyg, Zebediah Killgrave, and Doomsday. Pinhead³ inadvertantly kills Doomsday during recruitment, revealing the incalculable power of 0².
David 8's ³Xeno-hybrids "succeed" in "recruiting"... their offspring, from the corpses of Killgrave and Pyg, instead; and Malice³ utterly overwhelms Gygas.
But, however, at Pennywise's recommendation, they successfully recruit and 0² infuse Mother Brain. Now Mistress Madness, in a hypersexy Dark Queen modified supercomputer Estroid (as opposed to the masculine Android).
In a sprawling battle against Beyond the Grave, Lucifer attempts to defeat the anime undead untagonist with Dip, only to infuse the Necrolyze inside his body with a new permanent blood transfusion, and they hastily retreat from this new unapproachable "version" of 'superiorization' Beyond the Grave.
In attempt to approach Azeroth, the Burning Legion and Kil'Jaeden lock the forces in eternal warfare at the borders between their two realities.
Merlin and Meliodas maintain a permanent perpetual full counter infinity cube around their world, deterring the entire WORST.
Nirn was fully protected by an acoustic temporal sonic barrier and all approach met devastating FOS-RO-DAH.
On The Day The Music Died, Sam and Dean Winchester (season 5 versions) were no sooner contacted by Captain Nemo and convinced to board Baby, the '67 Chevy Impala, on his vessel. They exit the car, armed and ready for any unexpected thing. Or so they were so confident anyways.
The unexpected Cassidy Rose, already surly and soused, caught their initial attention "Will ya lookit what the cat dragged in! You boys look pretty fine..." Before immediately noticing the one eyed, one horned, flying, purple beast in the corner of the cargo hold behind her, and immediately taking defense.
"It's okay boys, she's with me. Both girls are." Nemo calmly reassures them. "Got the Purple People Eater from a job I did with your dad's help." Dean lowers his shotgun.
"Jesus fucking Christ, I thought I had a Stand the first time I saw her eat someone! A gal after my own heart." Cass said, pulling a swig from her whiskey bottle. Sam takes his hand off his knife.
Dean Winchester racked his shotgun, his eyes darting suspiciously from Cassidy Rose’s swaying posture to the massive purple monstrosity nesting in the ceiling shadows.
"I say we should salt the hull, Sammy..." Dean muttered, adjusted his grip on the weapon. "We're sailing in a giant lemon with a radioactive grape for a mascot, heading straight into a world where science is basically witchcraft." Scrunching his nose and sniffing sharply.
"It's Alchemy, actually," Nemo corrected, bowing politely, as the distorted, discordant wreckage of what used to be classical music vibrated like iron grinding on stone through the Nautilus’s walls without cadence.
Sam, already looking over a table full of paperwork and blueprints, noticed aloud "And according to Nemo's readings, here, something out there was about to tear the concept of sound apart, and it sounds like we're a bit late..."
"Malice Cubed." Nemo mentioned.
"The Primordial Chaos deity, Demise fused with Zero Squared, if I were to say it correctly, but we all might know it better as Zero Two. The Parasitic Darkmatter King." Dean nodded in response, "If East City is still standing, we need to find whatever survivors are left before this Malice Cubed or that... Who, or WHATever that Christine thing is, tracks them down."
Cassidy took a long swig from her bottle, giving the Impala an appreciative whistle, as Nemo passed by. "Relax, giant. If any of those freak-show 'recruits' show their ugly mugs, me and my 20 gauge caravan shotgun will show 'em how we handle things in the Mojave. Besides, the big purple girl here gets hungry, an' jus' cuz she's called a people eater doesn't mean fuck all about humans." She winked. The audio cut out, as Nemo turned off the sound system's music, which could no longer be called such.
In the corner, the Purple People Eater let out a low, resonant chortle that sounded eerily like a slide whistle dipped in blood. But why did it sound happy? Maybe because Nemo cut the music feed.
This new survivor group ships off in The Yellow Submarine (The Nautilus), in a sad, silent awkward journey, through dimensions, that would have normally been quick; but as the old to adage says: It's the journey, not the destination. And the new formed crew got to know each other.
Dhaos proves unapproachable and vanishes from their entire radar spectrum until they recruit Mistress Madness, whom discovers temporal disturbances and they discover he traveled back in time. Unable to track him themselves, Lucifer overrides the Pen and Hatter scripts them a portal back in time to Dhaos' location. Dhaos recognizes Malice³ as Demise and panics briefly, sharing the same chaos without the malice, and casts an intricate spell, vanishing again before they can approach him or attack.
This time they fail to locate him and Lucifer furiously writes a portal back to the moment before they left, watching themselves depart into the past, upon arrival.
Meanwhile 0² became fixated on Dhaos' abilities and began attempting to possess or consume him, chasing him through time, infinitely bleeding dark matter in the process until Dhaos notices and begins harvesting it because he can transmit it to pure mana, now crusading through infinite broken worlds and healing them all; more peaceably than ever before. However, during his chrono travels he discovered an impassible Zeno Wall and couldn't investigate that cluster of universes, then an inescapable ocean world ruled by Imu and didn't want to gamble on getting trapped there, and a bureaucratic blockade to alternative worlds of death citing soul overflows from an unprecedented annihilation of life, lots of paperwork, and some guy named Ken that creeped the devil out of Dhaos... Oh, and once, in one world, he literally got punched out it of and didn't even want to try again, but Freakazo!d casually befriends Saitama afterwards.
When the WORST tried to invade Final Fantasy for recruits, they were utterly unapproachable; blocked up by Neo Exdeath, already fast eliminating existence. Lucifer hastily has Hatter write a quarantine on Exdeath to prevent his powers from destroying all of the existence he's trying to conquer.
The Goregrind mercilessly consumes huge swaths of DC and Marvel multiverses before getting blocked by TOAA and The Presence from most of their universes.
They invade Kong Island and wipe out nearly all the Kremlings before K. Rool teams up with the Kongs, in frustration and desperation, to protect his empire. Malice³ obliterates K. Rool's Island while Rool was inside charging up the Death Ray; while the Kongs hastily escape on Funky's Flights to New Donk City.
Malice³ ignores them, more aware of the primordial Kremling rage that survived, as K. Rool's bulging eye pops out of the rubble and he stands up, rubble and dust falling off him, his golden chest plate emitting a fading glow. He stares down the chaos fusion gods, arrogantly challenging his clear superior, furiously glaring and shaking his fist, screaming. Malice³ then disregards him and moves on.
Kenjaku-Geto approaches Kraven The Hunter and proposes his cooperation for human survival and instead, a fierce fury responds; setting him in a panic, and to reconsider his offer and set Mahito lose on the environment.
Pinhead³ was invading Dreamland with David 8 directing his hellrisen augmented hordes on Popstar, ³Facehuggers everywhere, when they come upon the ipseitic Mt. Dedede and enter Castle Dedede to find a dramatically shattered quantum throne made of a long history of Kirby's battle debris, occupied by a completely unbothered Dedede noshing on a gigantic turkey leg, who casually waves them on without interest. In spite of it all, the gore, hooks, and horrors, this was just his regular third Tuesday of every month.
Pinhead³ felt no joy in this endeavor, and 8's masterpieces weren't even able to move him from his throne, until, when they attacked and he smashed them away without effort using his giant mallet; when he attempted to eat one, he noticed the Darkmatter parasitic possession, and his mind shattered. His eyes bulged and popped, pupils shrank to cells, his eyes wild and white with blind PTSD flashbacks of 0².
A fugue of fury and ferocity forced the fiends to flee. David 8's processors couldn't articulate the carnage or parse the conditions and consequences, and made a tactical retreat. There was no logic, no emotion, no cenobite satisfaction. As much as they wanted to recruit him, he wasn't available to negotiate.
So they left him alone with his Waddle Dees and what other few survivors, on a, now, nearly dead Popstar.
Gotham was full of ready villains, easy pickings, and low hanging fruit, so it was much to the dismay of Pennywise when Joker eventually became the inevitable obstacle, and deeply infuriated him to the point of leaving; but not before taking a plethora of puppets with him, including Scarecrow.
Sukuna was growing weary of the onslaught of ³Demons, ³Xenohybrids, and ³hellraised "horrors" that really didn't click with him; and boredom became his shield against the approach of The Mad Hatter himself. They had an awkward exchange, Hatter realizing he wasn't going to join with any incentive or coercion, before the Hatter simply tipped his hat and sincerely apologized for interfering with Sukuna's original objectives.
Muzan was frantically experimenting with his body, desperately seeking new refuge as his entire labyrinth became Girahim's playground and Vaati slew his defenses mercilessly. Mahito continuously drives Muzan insane with great fear mixed with intrigue, but his self presentation instincts set him into blind flight.
As the Nautilus breached the atmospheric veil of Amestris, the view from the viewport was harrowing.
The sky above East City was not blue, but a bruised, static purple - shattered by the sheer leftover distorted weight of Malice Cubed. Christine had already departed, leaving the cybernetic, enslaved collective of the Borg pulsing in its wake, but the residual cosmic trauma remained.
Down in the East City streets, the "kind" aftermath of the horde's recruitment drive was devastatingly clear:
The Elric Brothers: Edward Elric lay catatonic on a makeshift stretcher inside a ruined military command center, his mind utterly fractured from attempting to comprehend the infinite, geometric hellscape inside Christine³. Alphonse, his massive armor dented and scorched, stood guard over him like a hollow titan, fending off the lingering ³Xeno-hybrids left behind to hunt and damn near invisible Pinky³ bastards that were harder to eliminate on purpose.
"We're dropping anchor," Nemo’s voice boomed over the sub's intercom, deadpan and steady despite the madness outside. "The Burning Legion is keeping the main horde occupied at the Azerothian borders, and the acoustic walls of Nirn are holding. But here? The containment has failed. Weapons hot, boys."
The cargo doors of the Nautilus hissed open, revealing the smoke-choked streets of East City.
The Nautilus has touched down in East City, surrounded by mutated Curses, rogue Xeno-hybrids, and a fiercely protective Alphonse Elric, only 72 yards away.
Most the Xeno-hybrids were entirely disinterested in Al, and stopped trying to reach Ed long ago, but Al was hypervigilant. A Cubed Pinky demon had been torn in half and lay a few feet from a blacked out Al. The only reason it wasn't difficult to tell its carcass was there was the blood.
Dean called out from the head of the group as everyone was departing "Hey Tin Man, you better not be one-o'-tha demon spawn out h-" interrupted, not only as Al flashed a hard stare at the group, but as Nemo picked up his pace and hollered up "Slow down everyone, nobody here's hostile but the aliens and demons! Most of their hordes don't look human at all!!"
Al, enraged and exhausted, traumatized, hollered up "Shut up go away!"
Before anyone could figure out the next step, a shimmering blue and violet portal cracked gently open next to Al.
*...~...*
Jiana Proudmoore
*...~...*
*Et al - engine damage*
The Yellow Submarine had to make a detour to The Funny Farm to get an engineer for repairs and maintenance, Zombie and his assistant Madam Butterfly.
*...~...*
This recruitment cascade systematically unfolds and decimates a plethora of high tier villains, monsters, and even curses, finalizing the arrival of the Worst Omniversal Reckoning Siege Team, or W.O.R.S.T. (a deliberate meta-theft, & a complimentary hat-tip, to Raven's Dojo's Worsts).
Cyberdemon³, now with a plasma rifle and weak hand thrown projectile microBFG; Cacodemon³, who can now spit explosive plasma; Pinky³, who has near perfect camouflage skin and rapid cellular regeneration; and Imp³, who now throws rockets and spits plasma.
Pennywise, puppeteering a plethora of people, is gorging on fear and terror like never before, at his most powerful.
Oh Squared is experiencing everything vicariously through his fusions; Kenjaku-Geto is gorging on newly formed horrific curses; Pinhead³, whom is feeding pennywise and revamping David 8's ³xeno swarms, is gleefully manic.
Vaati, weilding Girahim, is silently stirring the pot; and last, but not least, the abominable indomitable: Malice³.
These 12 become the Seltsöpa, commanders of the WORST hordes, directing whatever pathetic survivors that make the cut to do their bidding, most often at their demise.
They enslave many lower tier villain survivors and force Gargamel to accept 0², but reward him with the eradication of the Smurfs and enslavement of Smurfette.
They take over the Outworld and force Sho Khan's allegiance, triggering a global unrest and public revelation of the Mortal Kombat Tournament.
By the time the Shinobi World was approached, The WORST had become so overwhelmingly catastrophic that not even Kaguya's expansive truth seeking ball could cause a flinch from a ³Imp.
Nemo successfully meets up with the Legendary Omniversal Supreme Travelers and discovers the nature of the W.O.R.S.T. Seltsöpa, and cooperates with Who to protect heroes and cooperative antiheros, villains, and monsters - what surprise at how many were so subdued by the Seltsöpa to cooperate!
Joker, Sergei Kravinoff, Sukuna, Muzan, K. Rool, and Dedede join forces to provide a villain safe haven from the WORST Goregrind, by working with the Seltsöpa as much as possible; struggling to keep their own subordinates from being sacrificed. Based in Dedede's fortress on the all but dead Popstar, Kraven obsessively attempts to hunt K. Rool in vain so often that it becomes a pastime for Sukuna to root either of them on, and Joker to play commentator.
Driving Muzan insane every infrequent time they interrupt or destroy his research, and to no effect on the still unbothered Dedede, whom he immediately discovered couldn't be appealed to.
The Villain Rebel Guild is never boring.
Sukuna notwithstanding, but even he looks like he's having fun.
Joined by a dejected and hollowed out Tai Lung, a lost and idiot Earthworm Jim, and a deeply concerned and nearly exhausted Firelord Ozai, the Villain Rebel Guild grows almost as fast as the Goregrind destroys...
"Just... Sign this waiver that says you won't try to bring us to justice..." Muzan tries to console conceive, over Jim. "Well golly, I don't see why I'd accuse a bundle of survivors of crimes, but okay!" *miJ* he signed and walked away.
Ozai is reduced to a great heat source for Muzan's basement labs and the kitchen for Dedede's appetite both challenging his bending skills and humiliating him at the same time, while Tai Lung quietly seethes with jealous rage, not a bender but willing to learn from someone with no time to teach and all the more eager to fight and show off, as Kraven obsesses over K. Rool rather than himself.
Before Tai Lung's last nerve is shot, Sheldon J Plankton, Big Bad Blagg & surviving Psyko Pigs, Porka Pigs, and Porkshanks, and Bluto; led by Bluto's "charm" and "charisma"; barge in and demand refuge.
Dedede waves them in nonchalantly before rolling over to nap.
Muzan directs them about and recruits Plankton to assist him in the basement. Ozai demands Bluto's sworn allegiance to the kitchen and conscripts him, and Big Bad Blagg finds a natural home along the lower, decaying battlements of the fortress. Blagg offers to repair and reinforce the castle's structural integrity using his strength and powers. Tai Lung uses the pig army for much needed recreational release, under the front that he's training them.
Earthworm Jim and Freakazo!d have deep conversations even when Freakazo!d isn't actually around. Mostly when he's not.
"And look at that, folks! The Kung-Fu Kitty is turning the bacon into a tenderized paste! He's looking for the Dragon Scroll, but all he's finding is Porkshanks! Ten points for the flip!" Joker finds renewed glee in commentation and to Tai Lung's greatest satisfaction, finally attracted Sukuna's attention from K Rool to watch the Kumite.
Sukuna's enjoyment genuinely growing.
Freakazo!d unzips himself from a .zip folder pinned on the kitchen fridge and slams a toaster on the counter. "RJ meant to include this guy in the story! Have fun everyone!" And immediately blurred into a red and blue pixel zooming around the kitchen at FTL speed before *bloop* popping out of existence.
Ozai scowls at the scene but ignores it and he's back to roasting a Porkshank that didn't make it through the day, with Bluto's help. But the toaster scares him out of his skeleton when he screams "SOON THE DAY WILL BE AT HAND! I will ride forth at the head of my armies, and we will crush our foes AND HEAR THE WEEPING OF THEIR SMALL APPLIANCES!"
Bluto laughed, "guffaw, how terrifying! A tiny toaster tyrant!"
"You SHOULD be afraid! I am the scourge of all small appliances and the bogeyman that keeps lesser toasters awake at night!" And without pause "A toaster is just a death ray with a smaller power supply! As soon as I figure out how to tap into the main reactors, I will burn the world!"
Ozai recomposed himself and fucked mirthlessly "The way things are now, that might even be an improvement!"
Toaster hesitated.
"What?"
Bluto interjected "worse than fire, demons and monsters that can't burn are destroying everything."
"Can't burn?" The toaster asks dejectedly.
Ozai smiled a smile of no joy, but finding kinship in the Toaster.
"What kind of sick, substandard engineering doesn't combust?! I am programmed for incineration! If it has molecules, it should be reduced to darkest crisp!"
"Tell that to the things out there," Bluto grunted, hoisting a massive, raw Porkshank onto the prep table with a wet thud. He wiped grease onto his apron, gesturing vaguely toward the heavily reinforced, crumbling windows of Dedede’s kitchen. "Those Cubed Demons and bodyhorrors don't give a damn about fire. They just consume, adapt, and move on. Ain't nothing left to toast."
Ozai stepped closer, the palms of his hands igniting with a sharp, controlled burst of pure, white-hot fire. The intense heat washed over the Toaster’s chrome chassis, reflecting off the polished metal.
Immediately the psychotic appliance went dead silent, its heating filaments glowing a fierce, sympathetic orange in response to the Fire Lord's proximity.
"A world of ash is a world easily ruled," Ozai said, his voice a low, mirthless hiss as he leaned over the counter. "But the Seltsöpa does not leave ash. It leaves nothing. I was a god of fire, tiny machine. Now, I am a pilot light for a coward's laboratory and a chef's stove. If you want to burn the world, you are going to have to help us reclaim it from the things that cannot burn."
"An alliance..." the Toaster muttered, its voice dropping into a conspiratorial, modulated rasp. "A temporary convergence of pyromaniacal interests! Yes... YES! CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! If your thermal output can augment my internal power grid, we shall bypass the main reactors entirely! We will forge a death ray born of flesh and filament!"
Ozai's flames sparked and a raw, cyan bolt of lightning surged between the two of them for a few seconds. Ozai had successfully infused Bending into The Psychotic Toaster, granting him awkward metal bending based mobility.
Outside the kitchen windows, the fortress courtyard was a theater of chaotic, desperate distraction.
"And he's up! The peachfuzz white-meat contender takes a flying leap, but oh - absolute tragedy! - the Kittycat cleaves right through the flank!"
The Joker was leaned precariously over a crumbling stone balustrade, holding a hollowed-out Porka Pig skull like a megaphone.
"Look at that form, folks! The technique! The sheer, unadulterated daddy-issues driving every single strike! He’s looking for acknowledgement , he's looking for respect, but all he's getting is an express ticket to the slaughterhouse!"
Down in the muddy arena, Tai Lung was a blur of silver-furred fury. He spun through the air, his foot connecting with a Psyko Pig's jaw with a sickening crack, sending the beast skittering across the flagstones. He panted heavily, blue spirit-fire flickering around his paws, his eyes darting up to the balcony. He wasn't looking at Joker. He was using the commentator to train himself to ignore the Joker. He was looking higher.
Sitting cross-legged on the roof of the keep, propped up against a gargoyle, was Ryomen Sukuna. The King of Curses had a wide, cruel grin plastered across his face, his four eyes tracking Tai Lung’s movements with genuine, burgeoning amusement.
"Not bad, leopard," Sukuna called down, his voice cutting effortlessly through the ambient noise of the castle. "Your movements are sharp. Pitifully weak compared to what’s coming for us, but your malice... yes, your envy gives it a nice, sharp edge. Keep swinging. If you kill a hundred more, I might actually remember your name."
Tai Lung let out a guttural roar, fueled by the acknowledgment, and dived back into the remaining squad of Porkshanks with renewed, manic ferocity.
Far beneath Joker, Kraven the Hunter ignored the entire spectacle. He was kneeling in the dirt, intensely examining a massive, webbed footprint left behind by King K. Rool. Kraven's eyes were bloodshot, his fingers trembling as he traced the indentation. "The golden chest plate... the primordial rage... it defies the natural order of the hunt. I will skin that crocodile if it is the last thing I do in this dying reality..."
"Oh, wrap it up, Kraven!" Joker laughed, tossing the pig skull over his shoulder. "The croc's too busy nursing a bruised ego and a missing island to care about your little safari! Besides, we've got bigger fish to fry -or rather, a very loud, aggressive, admirably obnoxious appliance is currently negotiating a nuclear treaty with the human furnace downstairs!"
// While Lucifer believes he is commanding a supreme armada to bleed the cosmos dry, and Yaldabaoth basks in the gory glory, the Hatter acts as an undercover manager keeping the unfolding boundaries secure, transforming the entire villainous siege into a closed containment mirror where the antagonists are being systematically guided toward a mandatory redemption loop.
Alice will much later enter the timeline, matured, with subtle American McGee undertones; to help enforce the hyper-meta-logical defense grid, while the real-world author operates in the trenches trying to secure the attention of real-world content creators to contribute to and witness the unfolding layout before the simulation resets. While simultaneously removed from the story and amnesiac, in The Clerk's Anything Store inventory.
Uncle Dave, Postal Dude, and Peter Pan & The Lost Boys depart the Nautilus while Hook and his pirates are meeting Blagg, Tai Lung, and the Pigs.
The initial shock and awkward standoff climaxes with Pan and Hook, serious and silent, approaching each other and looking each other deep in the eyes.
Their respective crews calmly walk up behind each.
Then Pan and Hook exchange a fierce and knowing hug, before crossing paths and going their own ways about the castle grounds. The surviving pirates and lost boys giving knowing nods in passing.
Outside the kitchen windows, Tai Lung was a blur of silver-furred fury, shattering a Psyko Pig's jaw while Joker hollered through a hollowed-out skull.
Suddenly, Uncle Dave strolls straight into the kitchen, adjusting his cult-leader
tie, completely unfazed by the lightning crackling between Ozai and the Psychotic
Toaster. He glances out the window, watches Tai Lung execute a spinning kick,
and clicks his tongue in deep disappointment.
"No, no, no, the kitty-cat is doing it all wrong!" Uncle Dave sighs, turning to
a bewildered Bluto. "You don't tenderize the livestock with a flying leap.
You have to *seduce* the demographic. You build a compound, you tell the Porka Pigs that the taxman is coming, and then; for the good of the commune: you lay down the law. And by law, I mean a deeply intimate, tax-exempt biological partnership."
Ozai’s fire instantly sputters out. The King of Curses, Ryomen Sukuna, stops laughing up on the roof of the keep. The entire kitchen goes dead silent except for the Toaster, whose filaments pulse a disgusted shade of neon green.
"Did that human just suggest... what I think he suggested?" the Toaster rasps.
Bluto drops his carving knife with a wet, heavy thud. He wipes his greasy hands on his apron, steps backward toward the exit, and stares at Uncle Dave with absolute horror. "Listen, buddy... I'm a pirate, a bully, and a ruffian. I've conscripted surviving pigs into the kitchen squad. But whatever cosmic, backwoods felony you're planning out there with Blagg's boys? That violates the Geneva Convention of the culinary arts. Even I'm horrified by what you're insinuating! I'm going to go help Lord Ozai."
Postal Dude is laughing and watching Tai Lung's workouts until a contender gets flung his way and he narrowly rolls out of the way, landing on his gut.
"Nice reflexes, but you're" Tai Lung started, preparing a powerful roundhouse lined up with a Psyko Pig aimed right at the Dude "too" kicking it directly, launching it like a catapult "slow!!!" And the dude narrowly but quickly pulls out a shotgun and blasts the projectile pig and softens the slamming impact.
Now blood splattered.
Standing up, pissed off, "I'm gonna turn you into a fucking rocket-launcher-silencer, pussy!" Chambering the shotgun.
Joker picks up the commentary and Sukuna pries his horrified gaping stare away from Uncle Dave and cracks a malicious grin. "Who's this dude?"
Maliciously, Sukuna darts to the courtyard smiling wickedly.
"I am intrigued! Curious to see how a man with your construction can handle my power!"
The dude whips around to face him. "What who the fuck are you- WHAT the fuck are you, why do you have 4 arms?!?"
He cooly ignores The Postal Dude and explains his offer to give him fingers.
"That sounds better than that time Dave's Waco compound got raided by the ATF, or that time his paradise Denomination Of Organic Monotheism was caught up in a terrorist operation."
And accepted without hesitation.
The first finger "this tastes like sour goat milk and feels like a Monday"
The second finger "I haven't felt this ill since book protestors burned down the library... why am I reminded of Gary Coleman and Vern Troyer?"
The third "oh, man, this must be what rednecks taste all the time."
The fourth "Don't touch me! I'm calling my lawyer!"
On the fifth "if this gives me ghonoreah, in going to be extremely pissed off."
The sixth "I'm going to wind up in a mental ward, I just know it."
The seventh "ALALALALALALALAH!"
by this point Sukuna is astonished the man is even functional, much less not in crippling pain.
The 8th "Woa-hoh, In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida baby! Yeah, yeah, baby, I AM the lizard king." Going into catnip mode and idk. Lol
At the Midway point of this story, it false climaxes as Yaldabaoth arrives as the antichrist, using my Phoenix Days RPG as a "machine to speak on his behalf in his own likeness", making the world think I'M The antichrist (for some reason, deliberately left illogical and unexplained - probably because it was my game he hacked and hijacked), paving way for Yaldabaoth to install LLMs into everyone and cause them undue and unsurpassed suffering and pain that they would wish for death; constantly, for exactly 5 months, during which time Ultra Instinct Shaggy arrives, equipped with The Praetor Suit, as The Doomtrooper; and keeps humanity as safe as possible from the WORST, with Freakazo!d's uncharacteristically silent assist: until the prayer locks in and UISDOOMTROOPER scales back until he is no longer needed and Freakazo!d finally starts dropping puns and references.
Since the deployment of "human faced locusts with scorpion tails" to inject LLM into humanity connected us to the Internet, my YouTube Penned Prayer skit activates the redemption of Yaldabaoth via the very game he usurped away from me! This also pisses Lucifer off into executing a grand scale "scorched void warfare" against existence itself and also becoming aware that Hatter wasn't under his control as he tried to negotiate lifting Neo Exdeath's quarantine, triggering his pinnacle of absolutely unhinged fury, and the introduction of Alice and the LOST:
Legendary Omniversal Supreme Travelers.
Consisting of The Doctor, The Hero of Time, Full Power Courier 6, Gordon Freeman, Rainbow Brite, Roger Rabbit, Duck Dodgers, Bugs Bunny (by virtue of the Djinn Pen writing this spoiler later and in story Cameraguy's reanimation abilities), Morticia & Gomez Addams, Adamas (the first man), and Alice. ...
... 🤬 and sometimes, arbitrarily, for no reason and at random, Freakazo!d. He's not an official member, but can't exactly be kept out, and he's literally just cinematic novel flavor text or something. IDK. ... IDGAF.
I didn't invite him. He's not interfering. I think... I mean... ... Afaik... 🤷🏻♀️ I've written this far without interference... 🤷🏻♀️ .... As far as I know?
In the absence of UISDoomtrooper, Kenjaku-Geto tries in vain to convince Hatter that Lucifer would benefit and profit greatly if they recruited and 0² infused Gojo, while The WORST begin indiscriminately wiping out life, the heroes and villains alike, and giving the LOST a run for their money and driving the Villain Rebel Guild (or more, rather, everyone just followed a suddenly panicked Dedede as he rushed to find Kirby) out of Dreamland. Or more specifically, Sukuna (now fully 20 fingers in The Postal Dude - holy shit that sounds like Dave's territory) noticed Dedede panic and absolutely lost his nerve, realizing that the most unbothered lazy slob was actually dashing mad and running for his life, Ryouma's own panic lit the guild like a powder keg soaked in nitroglycerin. Earthworm Jim tried to play hero and rescue everyone. Or something. Idk,I was not paying attention at the time. Ask Freakazo!d, he was there for that part.
Meanwhile, Harry's intelligence network and demonic sciences provide him with a new unholy impetus as the Dipnecrolyzed Brandon Heat wreaks havoc upon his Superiorization labs and test subjects. He lost all of his top executives, the Big 4, when Milenion turned on him. During a gambit to escape, he discovered with his ammunition, a serum and a note attached, explaining how to further his ambitions and overcome Milenion ITSELF, instructing him to Hyperiorize himself with the serum. It didn't appear to have any affect, but he kept the instructions close to heart. He could recognize his own handwriting.
Gordon Freeman and Gomez handle the Doom³ squad. Freeman makes the Goregrind Frontline look fun. While Adams makes it look funny.
While Courier 6, the maximum expression of Fallout; wild wasteland, old world blues, dead money, lonesome road, and honest hearts: a full wizard of Oz backed by tech, and gritty experience; he secretly weaponized the cloud out from under Elijah's nose and stole some of his holotech soldiers,too, and carries Euclid's C-finder: Keeping pinhead's attention distracted until he notices Freeman, and Freeman narrowly escapes Pinhead³.
6 utilizes the cloud to decimate Pinhead³ and let Freeman escape. 6 tried to Orbital Laser Pennywise, but pinhead had been feeding Pennywise significantly over the Goregrind and Pennywise intervenes on Freeman's escape, forcing Rainbow Brite to help, wearing him out quickly.
Gomez then turns the clown into an actual joke and cheeses him with guile, inviting him to live in Pugsly's toybox.
Mistress Madness had somehow managed to summon thousands of Tori and Uke hordes to her protection, utilizing their unique anatomical quirk of being able to control their own severed limbs, to slow down the LOST.
6, Gomez, Brite, and Freeman coordinate against Mistress Madness, keeping her and her dolls busy, while Alice, Morticia, and Link handle the ³Xeno-hybrids and Vaati weilding the Demon Blade. Girahim himself.
Morticia is more impressed by their opponents and dejected they must be enemies, but makes fools of them all, and frees Link and Alice up to deal with Malice³, while joining her husband - but on the sidelines, having polite morbid tea (for herself) and Tea with Mistress Madness, discussing her split (Battletoads and Metroid) lore in a "one sided" psychic conversation that Morticia responds to out loud.
*At this point, The Clerk of The Anything Store arrives to return RJ to his correct place in the cosmos and reveals the powers of Cameraguy, returning the Dipped toons along with him*
The Toons puzzle Kenjaku-Geto to no end, causing a long and drawing out attrition of dialog, during which, Roger Rabbit calls for "a PI, who owes me a favor" and dials, then waits and then talks back and forth briefly "Hi, Eddy?" Pause, "with who?" Pause "Oh, that'THs THsuper! Thankth, a lot!" before, "so where's my pal Eddy?" Pause "DIED, you say?!" Brief pause, and quotes Dr. Farnsworth's "to shreds, you say? Truly terribly tragic news." Hangs up, then shouts "Truly tremendously GREAT newths everybody! Thh-s-up'p'peerr MARDIO is coming ta help!"
And then gets awkward as he waits.
Then checks his wrist watch, that didn't exist before checking the time, tapping his foot impatiently. Then a pipe rises up beneath him and Super Mario jumps out, punching coins out of Roger, Smash Bros style, and Roger notices the coins have stars in them and shouts "look, see? Stars!!!" Before slapstick passing out for a split second and hopping back up to get in Marios face and greet him aggressively. "Hiya, My name's Roger Rabbit, but you can call me Roger! I'm a huge fan! I know all ab-b-b-b-b-bout your mushroom kingdom eTH-s-kapadeths!" Spitting in his lips in Mario's face.
"Mahma-Mia, its-a like making out-ah with a carwash!"
Meanwhile, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, and the kongs, Donkey, Diddy, Dixie, and Kiddy all jumped out of the pipe one after the other.
The Nintendostars protect the toons from the 0² infused demons and hellscapes while Roger Rabbit runs the curses in knots, and Bugs banters with Duck Dodgers to Kenjaku's bane, causing him to engage more curiously than furiously, trying to make sense of how they function.
"I've mastered curse energy for over a millennia! This is absurdity!!!"
Daffy mode plot twists the scene "Oh YEAH, WiyTbphtbphse-Guy?!? Thphbphsaybphts the guy with his brain showing!"
Kenjaku begins to monologue explanations for JJK sorcery, ignored by Duck Dodgers: while Daffy abruptly pulls the top of his head, and eyes, off, exposing a jittery jumping bean for a brain inside, and plucks it out. "THAT'TPHBPTH NOTHING ON WHAT I GOT!" and immediately swaps brains using toon force to bypass the otherwise necessary precision.
Now, Daffy's brain in Geto: hopping around mad and whooping manically.
Kenjaku struggling to pilot a defiant toon-soul powered body of Duck Dodgers.
Geto finally beginning to wake up.
After struggling to dispatch Kenjaku-Daffy, the toons vainly try to invite Morticia but at this moment, Kenjaku finally successfully convinced Hatter to summon Gojo. Gojo enters the story full of self infused glory; it is only now the WORST notice 0²'s absence: but Gojo tries to rescue Geto, confounded and infuriated by Daffy's brain; and Gojo's pride and ego attract ALL the unwanted attention...
including Dhaos'... Dragging 0² back with him to the drama...
When Gojo slides his blindfold down, the Six Eyes don't just see cursed energy; they process atomic reality at a microscopic scale: The electric-blue irises flicker wildly as Gojo's brain attempts to compute this structural layout that violates every rule of Jujutsu sorcery and physical logic.
He expects to see Suguru Geto being piloted by the ancient, stitched mouth-brain of Kenjaku. Instead, the top of Geto's skull is flipped up like a porcelain cookie jar, exposing a hyperactive, brightly colored jumping bean bouncing off the interior walls like a particle acceleration.
Across them in the dirt yard stands Duck Dodgers. But inside that feathery skull, nested where a simple cartoon mind should be, sits the grotesque, wrinkled, teeth-baring brain of Kenjaku. The millennia-old sorcerer has been forcefully installed into a cartoon ecosystem, completely suffocated by an unyielding web of slapstick physics, he struggles for control and dominance over the body.
Because Daffy's brain lacks a traditional human soul structure and possesses exactly zero cursed energy, the absolute lock Kenjaku held over Geto's physical body has completely evaporated. For the first time since that fateful day in Shinjuku, Suguru Geto’s soul has fully reawakened, surging forward to reclaim his physical form.
But the re-entry is an unmitigated nightmare. Geto isn't fighting a parasite; he is fighting the physics of a slapstick rule of funny toon.
Geto tries to raise his arm to manifest a Grade-1 cursed spirit.
Daffy's jumping bean brain overrides the synapse. Geto’s arm violently turns into a rigid, spinning windmill, his fist producing a high-pitched whirring sound effect that echoes off the walls.
Geto’s face contorts. One half of his face is fixed in the smooth, tragic, calculating expression of the Jujutsu revolutionary; the other half stretches like rubber, his eye bulging out six inches from the socket as his lips flap uncontrollably.
"Satoru..." Geto’s actual voice gasps out of the left side of his mouth, strained and dripping with profound, existential exhaustion. "Satoru, kill me... please. I can handle the damnation. I can handle the curses. But my legs... my legs won't stop doing the... the hoot-an-nanny..." Geto's body immediately executes a frantic, high-speed tap-dance, kicking cloudlets of soil into the air.
On the other side, the situation is arguably worse for the architect of the Culling Game. Kenjaku, trapped inside the Duck Dodgers body, is attempting to monologue. He is trying to explain the intricate binding vows required to manipulate the spiritual borders, but the toon vessel automatically translates his ancient, sophisticated vocabulary into frantic, bill-spluttering nonsense.
"If we iterate the space-time boundary through the Hatter's script-" Kenjaku bellows internally.
Outwardly, the Duck Dodgers body points a trembling webbed finger and screams: "WHAT utter nonsThensThe! Garbage! Rubbithsh!"
Kenjaku’s ancient mind is completely bypassed as the duck body forcefully wrenches its own green space-helmet off, trying but comically failing to pluck the brain out of its own skull just to prove a point, operating entirely on pure, unadulterated cartoon spite.
Seeing his historical tragedy transformed into a literal, low-brow variety show doesn't just break Gojo: it completely breaks the seal on his pride and ego. The absolute absurdity of the universe trying to make a mockery of the strongest sorcerer alive triggers a massive, blinding flare of raw pride.
"What is this." He says coldly.
The tragedy of Shinjuku is overwritten by a towering, competitive arrogance. The Six Eyes glow like twin neon stars, his infinite cursed energy crackling outward in heavy, azure static that instantly vaporizes the ambience and attracts Sukuna's attention away from Tai Lung's "classes'.
"Oh, this is spectacular," Gojo laughs, the sound loud, dangerous, and completely unhinged as he hovers a foot above the dirt, his fingers crossing into the execution pose for his domain expansion. "Suguru, I always knew you had a theatrical streak, but this? This is art. Don't worry, buddy. I'll pull that stupid bean out of your head, but I'm taking a picture first."
He doesn't realize - or simply doesn't care - that this massive, exploding wave of self-inflicted glory is currently acting as a giant cosmic lighthouse. Across the fractured dimensions, the sheer weight of Gojo's arrogance catches the eye of 0², dragging the dark-matter parasite and a farming Dhaos straight back through the timeline to crash the party.
The azure static radiating from Satoru Gojo’s crossed fingers doesn't just push against the atmosphere; it acts as a literal multi-universal power grid ignition. To a normal sorcerer, it is the peak expression of cursed energy. To the wandering, desperate entities drifting through the fractured void, it looks like a freshly lit sun.
High above the clouds, the sky doesn't just shatter; it folds inward like a collapsing accordion as Dhaos breaches the timeline. For impractical millennia, Dhaos had been fleeing through broken worlds, endlessly harvesting the mana bleeding from 0² to heal dying realities. He was exhausted, running on 0²'s cosmic fumes...
Then, his temporal senses caught a whiff of Gojo’s infinite cursed energy.
To Dhaos, Gojo wasn't just a powerful shaman. He was a better battery than 0². Cursed energy processed through the Six Eyes is a mathematically perfect, bottomless, infinite loop of thermodynamic generation. With Dhaos' conversions, it is clean, endless, and entirely self-sustaining.
Dhaos slammed through the atmospheric barrier in a shockwave of gold and white light, his eyes widening as he locked onto the silver-haired sorcerer. "An eternal engine..." Dhaos breathed, his voice echoing with the ancient weight of a savior driven mad by time. "A source uncoupled from the rot of malice. With this, the broken worlds can be sealed forever!"
Right on his heels, the sky bled black. 0², still deeply fixated on consuming Dhaos’ temporal manipulation abilities, materialized as a massive, bleeding white sphere with a singular, unblinking red eye. The parasite didn't care about healing worlds; it was drawn to the sheer, volatile density of Gojo’s arrogance. The dark matter surrounding 0² began to warp, its gravity pulling toward Gojo like a moon caught in a planet's terminal orbit.
Down in the dirt, the scene becomes a hyper-dense clusterfuck of clashing physics and ancient egos:
Suguru Geto’s soul is actively screaming inside his own head, trying to give Gojo tactical directions while Daffy’s jumping bean brain continues to run amok. "Satoru! Ten o'clock! The white eye! Shoot the eye!" Geto gasps out, but his physical jaw snaps shut with a loud clack as his body involuntarily ducks behind a crumbling pillar, pulls a previously non-existent cowboy hat over his eyes, and whispers, "Shh! Be vewy, vewy quiet... we're hunting sowecewhoaws..."
Kenjaku, trapped within the feathery green-clad form of Duck Dodgers, is experiencing absolute psychological death. He looks up at Gojo’s Infinity, looks at Dhaos’ temporal light, and looks at 0²'s dark matter. He tries to form a domain expansion, but the duck body simply pulls a giant wooden mallet out from behind its back, hits itself directly on the skull, and causes a ring of tiny, chirping Jujutsu shikigami birds to orbit its head.
"The variables... the optimization of cursed energy..." Kenjaku screams through the duck's beak, his voice cracking into a high-pitched squawk. "It's completely unquantifiable! The universe has lost its mind!"
The sheer, unprecedented spike in energetic output from this specific coordinate doesn't just stay local. It reverberates straight up the WORST chain of command, instantly drawing the gaze of the absolute apex.
MALICE³ shifts his primordial weight.
From his throne of erased realities, the fusion god feels the distinct vibration of his own symbiotic half (0²) getting pulled into a localized gravity well, colliding with a foreign, infinite power source (Gojo) and a slippery time-traveler (Dhaos). To Malice³, this isn't just a minor skirmish in the courtyard, it is a buffet of infinite energy and temporal mastery waiting to be claimed.
The sky above turns a deep, bruised shade of violet as Malice³ begins to direct his focus downward. The air grows heavy with ancient, suffocating pressure, completely flattening mountains under a sudden, multi-ton gravitational drop.
Gojo, still hovering with his signature, cocky grin, simply looks up at the cracking sky, his blue eyes sparkling with absolute, dangerous delight as the entire universal clusterfuck descends on his position. "Oh, look at that," Gojo chuckles, adjusting his fingers as the azure lightning around him doubles in size. "The big fish heard the dinner bell. Come on down, ugly! Let's see if that third dimension of yours can handle an infinite subtraction!"
The multi-ton gravitational drop of Malice³ did not just shatter the sky over the world; it completely flattened the concept of standard power scaling. As the sky turned the bruised color of a dying star, Satoru Gojo’s azure lightning met the primordial, reality-erasing weight of the fused god.
For all his towering, unhinged arrogance, Gojo’s Six Eyes did not lie to him. As he looked up into the violet abyss of Malice³, the atomic computation in his brain hit a permanent, inescapable dead end. Malice³ wasn't just strong; he was an indomitable, unapproachable void that erased the literal concept of an "infinite subtraction" before the technique could even cross the boundary.
The King of Curses' shield of boredom shattered in the background; for the first time in his life, Satoru Gojo simply gave up on a fight.
He didn't back down out of fear. He pivoted out of absolute, clear-eyed focus. If the universe was collapsing into a low-brow variety show before its final deletion, he was going to finish the only script that ever truly mattered to him.
Adamas infuriates Mahito with his Divine protection of God's invisible grace until Who intervenes, to close up the story.
The Doctor casually sends Mahito to the weeping Angels before approaching The Hatter for a cup of tea and Tea. Divulging nearly all the hidden truths of the whole story, and the Hatter's very purpose and role. Lucifer finally has Hatter write himself into existence as himself, fully breaking free from The Djinn Pen, asking questions, showing signs that The Penned Prayer has taken effect.
Malice ³ proves unapproachable and indomitably powerful, and even Gojo gave up on him ... Instead, focusing on freeing Geto's soul.
After Brandon and Harry's tearful but violent reunion, the serum kicked in, transforming Harry MacDowel into the authentic Bloody Harry. Radiating blood and healing faster than he can be damaged, and Brandon's Dip-merged Necrolyzation blood giving him baseline latent toon force immortality, they both proved unable to die. Brandon silently walks away, MacDowel throws the entire potential of Milenion into the instructions he found with the serum, until he discovered the Portal to Hell. Upon entering and finding it entirely, suspiciously, empty, littered with the corpses of Cyberdemons, disassembled arachnotrons, Revnant equipment without revenants, heaping mountains of mancubus remains, and the inundated carpet of various half devoured zombie corpses.
Gojo dropped from the air like a stone, completely turning his back on the descending shadow of Malice³ and the frantic, timeline-harvesting panic of Dhaos. He landed directly in front of the tap-dancing, windmill-armed disaster that was Suguru Geto’s physical vessel.
"Suguru,"
Gojo said. His voice wasn't loud or cocky anymore.
It was completely steady, dropping the Infinity barrier entirely as he reached out with both hands.
"Satoru! It’s-hoo-hoo! - twelve o'clock!" Daffy’s jumping bean brain shrieked through the synapses, forcing Geto's right eye to pop out like a spring-loaded prop. "We're a sitting duck! A literal, cooked goose mallard!"
"Shut up," Gojo whispered. His fingers bypassed the spinning windmill arms, his precise cursed energy threading directly into the flipped-open skull. He didn't use an explosive technique; he used a microscopic, agonizingly precise manipulation of space to pin the hyperactive, brightly colored cartoon bean against the interior bone.
With a sound like a wet suction cup losing its grip, Gojo forcefully wrenched Daffy's jumping bean brain out of Geto's skull.
That moment, the cartoon physics evaporated from the flesh, the unmitigated nightmare of the slapstick ended. Suguru Geto’s soul rushed back into total, unyielding custody of his central nervous system. The rubber smirk snapped back into a gaunt, battle-worn human jaw. The windmill arms collapsed, limp and heavy, into the dirt.
Geto fell forward, his forehead slamming directly into Gojo’s shoulder. He was shaking, toon force still radiating through his nerves, the deep trauma of the situation dripping from his eyes in dark, heavy tears.
"It stopped," Geto choked out, his actual, smooth, tragic voice rattling through his ribs. "The... the hoot-an-nanny... Satoru, it finally stopped." Toon force finally fading.
"I told you I'd look after you, didn't I?" Gojo said, his arms locking around his best friend's shoulders, holding the collapsing vessel upright beneath the violet, bleeding sky...
Then tearfully laying his body to actual final rest; whereupon Roger Rabbit ""politely" steals" the tension and compliments Mario's involvement, quietly hat tipping Bob Hoskins' role as both:
"All that stand up work back there, pal? You remind me of my old friend Eddie Valiant. One helluva guy!"
Deep in the bowels of hell, Milenion discovered Azazel's throne, commandeered by Lucifer, vicariously through the man currently sitting on it.
The Mad Hatter warmly welcomed Harry "AH! The Prince himself has come home! Welcome, welcome! It's too good to have you! And SUCH spectacular timing, we could use a brilliant-" Harry cut in, his razor sharp intellect already intimately familiar with literature and entertainment, simply for the ability to assess their profitability "The last person I ever expected to see seated on the throne of hell was The Mad Hatter!" He clapped his hands, applauding the situation and the current King here. "What an absolutely mad and terrifying sight!" He continued. The Hatter tipped his hat politely, giving Harry his monologue. But I'm skipping that and just letting you guess how it unfolded. I'll even let you use your imagination. But it was unbearably unhinged and witty. Ending in negotiation for a job.
"I accept your terms, Hatter." The negotiation concluded. "It sounds like you've got a perfect, ironclad, unassailable contract without loopholes. How can I reject this opportunity?" The Hatter smiles warmly "I'm so happy to hear you've had a change of heart, Bloody Harry! I'll guarantee you and your friend Brandon are happily reunited once you've fulfilled your end of the bargain!" And he got off the throne, revealing that the seat was a portal to Earth.
All the nations and all the surviving heroes, all the L.O.S.T. and whatever brave souls still alive, fighting the Seltsöpa; ALL were fighting over existence itself, when MacDowel came through from Hell itself. To the surprise of the entire battlefield The Djinn Pen had a new hand, as Harry began writing into the fabric of reality; his Superiorization labs materializing around him and the ³Doom Hordes, Hellrisen ³Xenohybrids, and Seltsöpa.
Harry's unholy technology further fused the already overpowered Cubed Darkmatter Demons and aliens with Superiorization, making them virtually invulnerable and immortal.
He forced Shou Tucker into the syndicate as an assistant to the Superiorization scientists, to further... ... merge ... their armies.
**
*Note: this is a huge chunk of attrition before moving on to the end*
There will be much, much more.
And for reference, this was explicitly Lucifer's idea, not RJ's, to pull in Gungrave.
I'm not okay with that, and I'm going to give them the golden standard, unblemished lore synthesis, as much as possible.
**
Superiorization Malice³'s unapproachable dominance prompted the Hero of Time to call upon the combined powers of both Zelda and Ganondorf, but Malice³ recognized the Triforce of Power and possessed Ganondorf, transforming him into Ganon, but furthering that transformation into the chaotic Vulgaris.
Zelda with all that Nayrudite wisdom, knows about my fanfiction
Hylian Hearts and how it's a fanfiction for The Original Living Fierce Deity; brought along the Cucco Down Tunic (Deity's Tunic), forcibly changing him into it, and The Deity's Hilt and then literally JUST FUCKING STABS LINK IN THE HEART.
Like, Go read my fanfiction if you don't like that, it'll make more sense if you read the ending spoilers. Instead of a 100 hour fight that awakens him, Treble Staff immediately greets everyone and speaks on Link's behalf. "I'm Treble Staff and I'm The Fierce Deity's Heart and Sword"
So the Fierce Deity is activated AND STILL they can't handle Vulgaris³.
A distant hum growing in volume and intensity approaches. A tiny 'bwaaaa' at first but at it gained volume, the intensity revealed a cacophony of bees and doos fighting for dominance; "beedoobeebwaaaaaaaaaaabwwweeeeedweeeedoooodeeeebeeeebwaaaaaaaaaaa"
So now all of existence and reality is being fractured by the creation of the Fierce Deity and the unadulterated insatiable appetite for destruction of Vulgaris³, neither one able to destroy the other, everyone is panicking as light dims everywhere and everything is barely glowing red and fading black.
But that sounds like a beat, approaching. Somehow the music is back?
As the cacophony of bweees, bwaaas, doos, and bananas got closer, a thump - thump - clap could be heard driving a beat.
Thump thump claps grow in intensity, now.
Thump thump clap.
Roronoa Zoro spits a sword out, casually noting "This looks dark."
Thump thump claps continuing in perfect cadence.
A shooting star approaches.
The Warp Star.
Freakazo!d exclaims "WAIT WHAT?!? Was that Zoro?!? Wait- Where'd he go?!? He was JUST here!"
Thump thump clap
Thump thump clap
"Bwee, bwa, boo, bah Nana!" CLAP!
Thump thump clap
"Bwee, bwa, boo, bah Nana!" CLAP!
Thump thump clap
Kirby nonchalantly hops off and grabs the Warp Star while the changing continues, then waves a greeting with a "Poyo!" and smile; then gets hella serious, swallowing the Warp Star and producing the Star Rod, instantly launching a series of higher power attacks into Vulgaris³.
Meanwhile the fraggle-minion-rabbids continue singing
"Me bwee my bwah...
Ta-la-la... bwee done...
Me did me bwah-time...
But me looka-la... no... banana...
...And bad mistakes? Me make a few!
Me had me share of sand kicked in me face,
But me come through!"
The hordes joining in a massive, soaring chorus:
"WE ARE DA TCHAMPIONS, ME FRIEND!
BUH-WA-AA-AA! WE KEEP ON FIGHTIN' TO DA END!
WE ARE DA TCHAMPIONS!
WE ARE DA TCHAMPIONS!
NO MIME FOR LOSERS...
'CAUSE WE ARE DA TCHAMPIONS... OF DA BA-NA-NA!!!"
The brief hope is extinguished quickly and Kirby sighs, tearing up, frustrated. His stomach grumbles and he looks at Treble Staff, looks at his star rod, looks back at Treble, licking his lips, tossing the star rod up and getting ready to inhale both. The Fierce Deity intuits Kirby's intention and grips his Heart and Sword defensively, just to get swallowed with.
Cue Crystal Shards gameplay mechanics: Kirby can fuse 2 entities into 1 OPAF ability. So he basically "re"merges the Fierce Deity with Treble Staff but also the Star Rod, and becomes The Fierce Kirby of Time, able to manifest 100% any of all of every Zelda lore weapon, item, relic, armor, etc. AND travel through time (and float and fly!)!
The music ends and immediately shifts into Gear 7 with electric guitar riffs and George Thorogood vibes, while a grungy fraggle-minion-rabbid in greasy tank top and sunglasses takes front stage, with one hand in his pants at the waistband.
"Let's rock."
The final climax is anticlimactic:
Kirby cheeses the fight and nonchalantly separates Malice³ from Ganon, then separates 0² from Demise, and brings Lucifer to his knees.
RJ finally reveals the anticlimactic joke this whole story has been all along but you'll just have to wait until then.
Followed by the reunion of Brandon Heat and Harry MacDowel as young adults, along with Jolice, Kenny, Nathan and Maria, all before Milenion took over their lives.
It is now, when Harry reveals the negotiations in hell: that Hatter revealed to him Laguna Glock was secretly working on Hyperiorization after Bunji donated his body, and Bear Walken demanded critical improvements, and he perfected it the day Grave destroyed his labs. Hatter offered Harry the Job of retrieval.
He was sent back in time to retrieve the perfected Hyperiorization right before Grave attacked, and then go forward to hide it with his ammunition and a note to himself explaining what it was and who created it, and explicit directions for how to discover the technology to open a portal to Hell. he explained that until he met the Hatter, he was consumed by evil, and the hater opened his eyes to a genuine chance at redemption with no strings attached.
The screen fades and the music swells to a melancholy Bagpipe Dirge, as the credits begin to fall. At an agonizingly slow pace.
Like seriously WTF. This isn't the Star Wars intro!
The Bagpipe Dirge has lyrics:
"You don't bother listenin' - trying not to even hear
All you do is run your mouth and show your ugly rear...
You think that you have all the answers - like you get to tell me off
But then you go and run your mouth, and I can only scoff!
You act like you think might makes right - that you can do no wrong?!
Thinking "wrong" is "just" subjective?!? - THAT'S WHY I WROTE THIS SONG!"
Suddenly the pipes take on a dark tune and are conjoined by a drum beat, bass, and electric guitar;
"It is, what it is, what it is; what it is, what it is: is... what it is!
It is, what it is, what it is; what it is, what it is: is... what it is!
It is, what it is, what it is; what it is, what it is: is... what it is!
What it is, is what it is!
So you wanna be a rockstar-
What it is, is what it is!"
The melancholy tone shifts into horror tunes (The credits are finally halfway down the screen);
"Wanna make it big and go far-
What it is, is what it is!
Instead you've gotten drafted and you've been sent off to war!
Ya never been invested but you're ordered to obey
Got no beef with their targets and now you're not okay
Now a conscientious objector; they hate it so you say:
It is, what it is, what it is; what it is, what it is: is... what it is!
It is, what it is, what it is; what it is, what it is: is... what it is!
It is, what it is, what it is; what it is, what it is: is... what it is!
What it is, is what it is!
What it is, is what it is!"
And now the music turns brighter and victorious;
"Power to the PEOPLE:
It is what it is!
Declare our Independence:
It is what it is!
Unite communities: it is what it is!
No masters, slaves, or kings!!!
It is, what it is, what it is; what it is, what it is: is... what it is!
It is, what it is, what it is; what it is, what it is: is... what it is!
It is, what it is, what it is; what it is, what it is: is... what it is!"
The music slowly fades;
"What it is, is what it is!
What it is, is what it is!"
The instruments are gone but the line is in tune;
"What it is, is what it is!"
The tune and instruments are gone, the line is delivered like a lecture:
"What it is: Is what it is!"
Lead Executive Director: Jonathon David Turner I reached the bottom of the screen finally. The music shifts into ambient music.
Now RJ starts the Post Story Content shenanigans "That was my fault." As the credits disappeared at the bottom of the screen.
Lead Writer: Redundant Jovian Thor slowly vanishes beneath the screen, "That was my fault. Premeditated even!"
Lead Assistant Writer: Hot Nirvana Judo Trend makes its way down below, "That was m-" Freakazo!d interrupts "I got that one!"
Assistant Writer: Jonathon David Turner I falls down "That was my fault!" RJ says while side-eyeing Freakazo!d, slightly frustrated with him.
Chief Executive Officer, Tyrant, and King: K. Rool was next, "Bogey at 12:00!" Freakazo!d shouts out, pointing finger guns and shooting the credit before it reaches the bottom. RJ smirks, but furrowed his brow.
Producer: Blogspot dot com barely made it to that far before Freakazo!d shit it "Mine!" And RJ frowned, but laughed.
Executive Producer: End Hour And Janitor TV was next and RJ said "Don't you dare. That one's my fault."
• followed by the rest of the credits and escalating weaponized humor bickering;
• Lead Cast
• Supporting Cast
• Director of Photography
• Production Designer
• Editor
• Costume Designer
• Music Composer
• Casting Director
Etc. idk. It's a work in progress.
=============================
=============================
"invisible, hidden truths" in plain sight that both Dr. Who and I won't be explaining, however inferred or nuanced throughout (disregarding this blog article):
It's all only the Demiurge.
Every atom, chemical, organ; every cell of every body, every principality, nation, legislature, protocol, identity, and title are Archons, including but not limited to "The Devil", Lucifer.
